It was a calm night as I was reading a book and listening to the television. I was bored of course, and in one of my moods, if you know what I mean. Since I'm not that good looking or popular around these parts, I'm not able to fulfill my sexual urges.

A little about me? Well... my name is Evalyn. I'm a twenty-four year old African American woman. I am also a lesbian; kinda stereotypical of how I became this way. I was so confused about who I was, but until I realized that guys weren't for me, I decided to stay with women. I've never had a girlfriend before but I have done things, hahaha. There's a really hot Japanese tomboy lady on my job, by the name of Ryoko. She's every man's dreams; beautiful, young and knows what she wants in life. I believe that she could probably have any man she wanted. I'm not for sure if she's a lesbian or not, but you should say, my gaydar goes everytime I'm around her.

How does she look? Well, she's kinda taller than I am, with short black hair that comes to her ears, baby face and butch like.

I hear a knock at my door, that interrupted my wild imagination of having some good sex with a girl. Placing the book on the bed, I walked up to the door to see who it was.

"Who is it?" I inquired, because I was too lazy to look through the door hole. "It's Ryoko." The person replied, causing my heart to race.

I allowed the woman into my apartment, she looks around, studying every feature of it. I did feel embarrassed though. I was wearing only a t-shirt and a pair of undies. Baka of me. But I didn't know that I was going to have company over tonight. However, I'm happy that it's her, since I've mentioned her.

"Nice place," I heard her, from over by the bathroom. "It looks better than mine."
She returns back from the bathroom. Her eyes scrolling down my body. I don't think I'm all that attractive, I think I'm fat. Nonetheless she apparently didn't think so.

"I want you to come with me..." She uttered to me, in the sound of a whisper. I was perplexed, so I had to ask, "Why? Where are we going?" "Somewhere, where we can be alone..."

I was still perplexed, I closed my eyes with a disgruntle sigh.

"Is there something wrong? If you do not want to go, I'll understand." I could tell by the tone in her voice that she really wanted me to go with her, to wherever. I persevered and gathered some clothing from the drawer.

After I was fully dressed, I applied light makeup to my face and combed my nappy hair. I didn't want to let her down, so I made myself up to look very... Girly?

I followed her down to the end of the hall, to the elevator. Fidgety as I was, I had to pretend as if I were expecting a surprise. She seemed impatient, as she pressed the number one button, several times until the door finally closed. I really hate elevators, I'm very claustrophobic. But considering that I'm on the top floor. I have no other alternative, than to take the elevator. I would be tardy for work by the time, I reach the first floor.

The door opened for us to exit it, I followed her once again. I couldn't wait to see where she wanted to take me.

An hour later, we arrived at a park. It was very gloomy and very wood-zy. Quiet, but creepy...

She looks over at me and says, "so... here we are. Alone, just you and me..." I smirked and climbed into the backseat. From there, I knew exactly why she brought me here.

She does the same, sliding closer to me. Running her eyes along my navy blue denim pants and black halter top, she asked me,"what's on your mind, dear? You seem a bit down... I can't quite figure out if you want to be here or not. Please, let me know what's on your mind. I will gladly help ease some of those melancholy bad boys off your mind."

From those words, I felt confident and in my heart, I felt like I could trust Ryoko. All I've ever wanted, was for someone to confide in, when things were laborious. Women like her are so hard to find... Should I shut the doors to the ones who do care?

"I don't know, Ryoko. There's a lot going on in my world, that outsiders don't seem to understand, or want to," I finally responded to her question. "What do you mean?" "I mean, I can't trust anyone, when it came to my problems. They later on use what I tell them, against me."

Suddenly, she came closer. The look on her face, appeared full of concerned. I really didn't want to make her uncomfortable. Even though my heart is broken, the last thing I want, is for her to care. I resisted by sliding away from her.

"Eva..." I heard her call out to me. I wasn't sure what to do, I really didn't want our romantic outing, get demolished by my stupidity. How pathetic of me, to look tense, during this time.

"Tell me what you want..." Still refusing to answer her question, I see her hand reaching out to touch me. I felt like a child, cloaking secrets from my parents. She lifted my head to her face, her beautiful mahogany eyes look so gloomy. I was nervous and shy, I mean this woman is gorgeous.

"I want a real woman. Is that asking for too much? I want a woman who is going to be with me, and not hurt me. I want to be able to love someone, without worrying about the possibility that she may turn on me, like the others. I'm tired of going to bed alone, crying myself to sleep. I'm sick of feeling worthless, like I can't give anyone, nothing. Every time I love someone, they fuck over me and give me lame excuses. Why can't people see past all of that, and take me as I am? Isn't love good enough, Ryoko? How can I know what someone wants, unless they tell me?"

I had to stop myself, because I could see tears forming in Ryoko's tear ducts. She didn't respond to my inquiries, only nodded her head. I could figure that she felt the same pain, I was enduring.

"I'm done crying Ryoko," I continued. "I've been crying all of my life, ever since I was a kid, ever since I was a teenager. I'm out of tears. I just have to accept life as it is. I'm going to die a lonely old woman with cats."

Crossing my legs, I had to stare at the young woman. She still looked away, without responding to me. I was beginning to feel neglected and insecure.

"You wanna go back to my place? I'm starting to get the creeps out here, as we speak," she laughs incredulously. Still wasn't able to respond to my questions. She was probably afraid to hurt me, by responding.

"Uh sure..." Was all I could say to her.

It was real quiet, when we were on our way to her place. Lying in bed next to her, was all I wanted. I didn't want to have sex tonight, my mood is too dismal at the moment. While we were on the way there, I kept catching her glances at me. I wonder what was on her mind, as well.

We finally arrived at her home. She had me guessing that she lived at an apartment, like I do. It was a classy two story home. Nice palm trees on both sides of the steps. I had a feeling that homegirl probably had a pool.

"You like?" She asked me, while I was gaping at the outside of the home. "Of course," I smiled back at her. "Well come on, lets go inside."

She was such a nice lady, when she allowed me to go in, before her. Wow, her home was absolutely magnificent! Glass chandelier on the ceiling. Golden stair way, white carpet with brown diamond designs in them. A vase of red roses, that meets you, as soon as you enter the home. This girl is amazing.

"How did you get this?" "It isn't really mine, it's my parents..." She was embarrassed in her rejoinder. "Nothing wrong with that..." I walked away, to look into the kitchen on the opposite side.

She began to walk onto the stair case. "Why don't you come on up?" I followed her upstairs, down a corridor. The aroma in the house made me want to glomp her. It was so amazing. It was as if I were in a fairy tale. Her folks must be hella rich.

She lead me to a room, that was white, just like the rest. Kingsize bed with thick white, fluffy blankets, gold bedposts... There was only one window, that was on the opposite side. Describing it would take forever. I pounced into her bed, kicking my sandals off, with my feet. She went into, what appeared to have been a bathroom. It smelt soooo good inside of her room, like butter and syrup. I'm not going anywhere!

"You like how comfy my bed is, Evalyn?" She asked me, from the bathroom. "Yeah, I love it!!" I lied my head onto the pillow... I wanted to stay there forever. She had that ideal home, that everyone wanted. And I couldn't afford. I could fall asleep right there, but still, I didn't want to spoil our lovely evening.

She walks from the bathroom, only wearing a navy blue t-shirt. I didn't see any bottoms, so I assumed that she was wearing either a short-short or panties. I watched her comb her short, dark brown hair, as she smiled at me.

"I hate to cut our evening short, but I figured that we could have a sleep over, instead," she tells me. It was my idea as well. I just wanted to simulate that I didn't know. "That's a great idea, Ryoko. I am quite tired." "Wait, not just yet." She crawls onto the bed, next to me. I was too restive to make love to anyone.

"I want to know more about how you're feeling right now. I know that you have more to say." "Actually, I do. It's hard to find people who will listen and understand. Usually people will walk away and never give a damn... You know?" "Yeah... I wish there was something that I could do. I can sense that you're upset, just thinking about this. However, you're being strong, and not crying, which I understand." "Like I said before, I'm out of tears." "I think that you are full of tears, just sick of being labeled weak, when you do cry. I do feel your pain."

I didn't know what else to tell her. It would take all night to construe to her, how I truly felt.

"Spill out how you feel, Evalyn. Please, don't afraid to open up to me. I can tell you, that I am dealing with the same issues that you are dispensing with. I have trusting issues as well, but let me tell you, you can trust me, Evalyn." From there, I thought that I'd go ahead and tell her what was up.

"What more can I tell you? That's all that I can say for now. It's not that I don't trust you. I really do. I just can never put the words together, to explain anything." "Try..." "I used to be bisexual, but I'm no longer that way anymore. I've been gay pretty much, all of my life. I've tried to like guys, but they just don't have anything that I want." "What's that?" "Well, they either run away from their problems, stand you up, say things to you-without even thinking about it twice, not compassionate about anything or too sensitive. I don't know, I just don't like guys." "I understand."

"It seems like women don't have what I want either. They're backstabbing, will believe someone else over you and are extremely confused about who they are. I am so sick of being approached by women who I don't want. Bi women always hurt me."

"Bad experiences with bisexual women?" "Hell yeah. Gosh, I wish more lesbians liked me, than them. It's just too much drama to deal with a woman, who will lead you on, but have feelings for a guy."

"I was bisexual myself, but I'm now, officially a lesbian. I hope you don't mind." "How do you know that you're a lesbian? How do you know, that you won't turn around, and develop feelings for a guy?" "I do know, Evalyn. Guys can't give me what I want either. I want to be in an emotional relationship with someone who can relate to my situations. Guys want sex all the time, I mean, don't get me wrong, I love sex, but not all of the time." "I wouldn't know." "What do you mean?" "I'm a virgin," I lifted an eyebrow at her.

"Aww that's so cute. I wish I was still one." "Please..." "No, seriously, I do. You have no idea how many women still wish that they were." "I never believe them." "Well believe me, when I tell you this, sweety. I admire you for not giving it up so easily, and waiting on that right person."

She continued, "My ex and I broke up last week. He told me that he no longer loved me, so he practically gotten rid of me." I heard her sniffle, by the expression on her face, she tried her hardest to hold the tears in.

"Wow, I'm sorry, Ryoko. At least you've had a relationship with someone. I've never had anyone." She looked up at me from her nod, and touches my hand. "Do you think there's room in your heart for me?"

My heart skipped a beat, my eyes widened at the girl's astonishing question. "Well, if you're up for spending a lot of time with me, I don't see why not." She gave me a warm smile, and kissed me on the cheek. From there, I knew that since we were both hurting, we could build something new and better.

A Special Someone..

Before, I had been heartbroken so many times. I've been hurt, rejected, neglected, overlooked, judged... In the back of my mind, I had been feeling like it was so hopeless to find real love. Love was something that others found, but never me. Every time I had it, it would kill me in the end. Leaving me depressed, alone, angry and solitary.

That was, until I met her. The girl who changed my life forever... She made me feel like there was a chance in love. That she was the one, I was destined for. I've found someone who I could tell I love you, and I would hear it back. Every time I hear it, it would feel so good, yet so dismal. No one has ever told me that they loved me, and meant it...

I'm at work, I can't concentrate at all. Ever since Ryoko and I started talking, I've been like way over my head. I couldn't sleep, at least I don't feel sad anymore. It makes me feel so good, that I know that she feels the same way.

"You look like you're in love," I heard a male voice behind me. It was my co-worker, Albert. His nosy ass is everywhere.

"Maybe I am..." I responded to him, without even glancing over my shoulder.

"So you finally found yourself a pretty Asian girly?" "Why did you have to say Asian?" "Come on, Evalyn, everyone at work, knows that you adore Asian women. Thus, you have Zhang Ziyi as your screen saver." He laughed at me. I felt so embarrassed. He is such a dork.

"Don't sweat it, Evalyn. There's nothing wrong with liking Asian women. You shouldn't be ashamed of it either. If Ryoko makes you happy, then so be it."

I had to keep in mind, that my relationship with Ryoko, is not what I want it to be. We're not in a relationship, we're just talking. Shit, I would be satisfied, if she did ask me out. But, she hasn't.

"We're not dating, we're just friends." "Ohhhh, that's not what she's been saying..." What the hell, I thought. Before I could get some type of explanation from him, he walks off, with a placid look on his face.

What the freak is going on?! Ryoko is going around, telling folks that we're together. Since the conversation with Albert, it appeared like I was having a bull's eye on my forehead. Every co-worker who has passed by my desk, kept glancing at me. I just had to confront my friend.

After work, I drove by Ryoko's house, and it appeared as if she wasn't there. So, I decided to make myself comfortable, by sitting on her steps. I nodded my head, to keep the strong wind from blowing my hair in my face.

An hour passed, and a vehicle drove by. I guessed that it was just passing through, but it parked right in front of me. My head remained down, until the person approached me. I saw black heeled sandals, standing before me, with black mesh stockings covering the person's legs.

"Hey my baby," I recognized the voice. I looked up, to be hit in the face with flowers. "These are for you."

"Ah, what? Ryoko?" "Yes, my love, it is me."

I stood up and walked to the side. Avoiding eye contact with her.

"What's wrong? Here, cheer up. These are for you." "I don't want your flowers." "Why not, what did I do? Can't you see that I love you?"

I walked up to her face, smashing the flowers to her chest.

"Love? How can you love me? We've only seen each other, since last night. We've never kissed, hugged, had sex or anything. But, you're at work, telling folks that we're together?" "But we are," her voice sounded more serious.

"How is that possible? We ain't done anything!" "I know, but I wanted to take things slow. I thought that you were feeling me though." "I was." "Was? Look, I'm sorry, I'll do anything to make it up to you. Please, don't be angry at me."

I kept my mouth shut. I didn't want to be angry at her, I would have loved for her to keep her mouth shut. So we can both keep our damn jobs. We can't be co-workers and fucking each other. One of our asses would have to be transferred.

She reached for me, and open my hands. She grasped my hand around the flowers and smiled nervously in my face. I have yellow fever so damn bad, that I had to smile back.

"Come with me, my love. I promise I won't tell anyone else about us, you know it will come out eventually." "Then, one of us would have to leave the job." "I know." "Is it worth it, Ryoko?" "Can we talk about this later? We really need to make it to Arby's, before the buffet is all gone!"

At a time like this, all she cares about is food? I went along with her. In the back of my mind, I was feeling like our so called love, will cause a catastrophe.